Saved

“Fin… Fingon…”

In some way Maitimo’s muttering was a good thing, even though every syllable sounded like it was burning his throat. It beat the screams of terror and the incoherent sobs of despair, Fingon supposed. Maedhros slipped in and out of consciousness frequently; he was terrified and shrieking whilst asleep and when he woke he would weep, for his anguish and torment had been cruel indeed. Even the dreams felt real to him - each one hurt and frightened him as if he was back in the dungeons Angband or hanging off the precipice of Thangorodrim.

But now Maedhros was more settled, neither fully awake nor sleeping, in a dazed state where the terrible nightmares and the memories of his torture could not reach him. Such dreadful things had happened to him in the darkness of Angband, things that Findekáno did not want to imagine. It pained him to see his cousin in such a state, though he was extremely grateful that Maitimo had survived despite the agony he had been through.

“Fin… Finde… Káno…”

Each time the copper-haired elf spoke it felt like an arrow had been fired straight through Fingon’s heart, as he was reminded of the harsh reality of what had occurred.

“Quiet, Maedhros,” Fingon instructed, his voice stern but laced with affection, “You must rest, understand?”

“My hand…” whispered Maedhros, his voice hoarse, “What happened, Fingon?”

“Do you not remember?” Fingon asked, and he furrowed his brow and frowned.

“I… I do not remember all of it,” his cousin told him, “I only remember…”

He let out a cry and Fingon rushed over to his bedside. The raven-haired Noldo clutched his shoulders firmly and held him still, trying to ease his distress.

“It’s alright, Nelyo. It’s over. You are safe now.”

“Káno…” Maedhros stared up at him with glistening grey eyes, “My hand…”

It broke Fingon’s heart to have to tell him like this, whilst he was so vulnerable and desperate.

“It was the only way I could save you, Maedhros. I could not release you from your bond with force. I am sorry.”

With excruciating effort Maitimo pulled his arm from beneath the bedcovers and held it in front of him. He shook when he saw the bloodstained bandages wrapped tightly around his wrist, and a cold tear ran down his cheek.

“I am so sorry, Nelyo…” said Fingon. He fell to his knees and put his head in his hands, and he started to weep with grief.

“It is only a hand,” Maedhros managed to answer, though he was filled with sorrow at the thought of having to retrain himself to fight.

“No, I-I mean… I’m sorry you were… I’m sorry you w-were taken, Maedhros… and tortured and hung there… l-like meat on a rack… I’m so sorry…”

It took some time, but eventually Fingon calmed down. All the while Maedhros had been lying there numbly, staring at the stump where a hand had once been.

“I-I should change your dressings, and clean your wounds,” Fingon said, “You were injured badly, Maedhros. It is not just your wrist. You…” He took a shaky breath, “Your back is covered in cuts and bruises.”

Findekáno tentatively sat his cousin upright, pausing whenever Nelyo winced or hissed in pain. He brought over a bowl of water and some fresh bandages, and he slowly poured the water onto Maitimo’s back, letting it run through his fingers. Maedhros grimaced, his wounds stinging, but he let his cousin continue. Fingon then carefully removed the bandage from Nelyo’s wrist and replaced it with a clean one.

“There,” he said, smiling reassuringly at Maedhros though he felt like he was breaking inside, “All better.”

“I want to see my brothers,” said Maitimo. He bit his lip and had to blink away tears as he thought of his younger brothers; he suddenly missed them more than anything.

“I can try to find them for you, if you would like,” Fingon told him, “They have been very worried, Maedhros. Especially Maglor. He has… Not taken this well. He thought he had lost you as well as his father.”

“A-and Amrod…” Maedhros added, and tears began to roll down his pale cheeks, “Oh, little Telvo… W-we should have saved him, Káno… We should not have let him burn…”

“Do not think about that now. There is nothing you could have done, Nelyo.”

“Pityo was distraught… Little Ambarussa…”

“Stop it, Maedhros! You’re upsetting yourself,” Fingon snapped at him, “Forget about Amrod. It was a long time ago. You need not feel responsible for his death.”

“I miss them, Káno…”

The son of Fingolfin sighed deeply and wiped away his cousin’s tears.

“I do not know where they will be, Nelyo,” he told Maedhros, “Perhaps it is best to wait for them to return. Maglor has been checking up on you particularly often, so he should be back soon.”

“Macalaurë… Hm…” Maitimo whispered, “What about you, Fingon? Have you also visited me regularly?”

“Visited? Maedhros, I have barely left your side. I have been so worried.”

Maedhros managed to smile a little. “That pleases me.”

“It does?” Fingon questioned.

“I am very fond of you, Káno,” said Maitimo, “It is nice to know that you care for me too.”

“Care for you? Oh, Nelyo,” Findekáno smiled broadly, “I love you.”

“I…” Maedhros began, but then he paused, “Yes, and so you should. I am your cousin, after all.”

“Too stubborn to confess your love to me in return?” Fingon said with a chuckle, “It is a relief to see you back to your usual self, Nelyo. In fact, it is such a relief that you are here at all. You were begging me to slay you… My heart was breaking in that moment, I was so lost and afraid…”

“Káno, I… I am sorry… And I am not being stubborn, saying I love you feels… wrong…”

“Why?” Fingon inquired, “Because we are both elf lords and not a lord and lady?”

“Because you are a son of Fingolfin and I a son of Fëanor. Our families would not approve.”

“Our families do not have to know,” said Fingon. He tucked a loose red wisp of hair behind Maedhros’ pointed ear. “Besides, since I rescued you from Thangorodrim, the feud has more or less ended.”

“It was very valiant of you to save me,” Maedhros replied, “I am indebted to you, Fingon.”

“I told my father that I rescued you to settle the feud; to end the rift between the house of Fëanor and the house of Fingolfin,” Fingon told him, “There is some truth in that, but the real reason I went after you was because I… Well, I could not bear to live without you, Nelyo. I would rather be slain than spend the rest of my days without you.”